Magazines: Forget People. Time’s Most Influential Things.

I always enjoy Joel Stein’s satirical take on Time’s 100 Most Influential People at the back of the magazine.

Here, some of his picks for this year’s most influential things:

1. Earthquakes.

2. The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant’s reactor core.

5. & 6. Protests and Tweets helped bring down Hosni Mubarak.

7. Diplomatic cables, á la WikiLeaks.

13. The drug called Charlie Sheen.

16. Home. “No one goes out anymore”.

20. Birth certificates.

24. Eyjafjallajökull. The Icelandic volcano, for those of you who need refreshing.

29. Justin Bieber’s hair clippings.

33. The royal wedding.

34. Korans. “Ironically, there are rarely book burnings in cold climates.”

36. Auto-tune. “Turning normal 13-year-olds into YouTube music sensations.”

38. Meat desses.

47. White-girl problems.

52. Jeggings.

56. Tigers. “Amy Chua’s tiger mom: Charlie Sheen’s tiger blood; Margaux Fragoso’s memoir Tiger Tiger; Robin Williams’ playing a tiger on Broadway…”

67. Friday.

70. Kate Middleton’s Issa engagement dress.

76. Veils. I believe the correct terminology would be the niqab, batula, burqa or chadri.

81. Supermoon.

82. 3-D everything.

[Time] The Time 100 Most Influential Things in the World.

[Jezebel] Know Your Veils: A Guide to Head Coverings.

[The Early Bird Catches the Worm] Michelle Obama Combating Childhood Obesity Makes Her One of Time’s Most Influential People.

[The Early Bird Catches the Worm] Tiger Mom Must Be Doing Something Right. She Made Time’s 100 Most Influential People List.

[The Early Bird Catches the Worm] Lady Most Likely: Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People.

[The Early Bird Catches the Worm] The Royal Wedding: The Other Event of the Decade?

[The Early Bird Catches the Worm] Pretty Girl Bullshit.

Images via Snopes, Zurmat, Ald Talks.

On the (Rest of the) Net.

“A Brief History of the Bump Watch.”

And for any preggo Early Bird’s out there, this one’s also for you: “What You NEVER, Not in a Million Years, Expect When You’re Expecting”.

Dodai Stewart discovers the benefits of jeggings.

In the wake of St. Kilda’s most recent sex scandal (Ricky Nixon and the same underage girl who released damaging nude photos of St. Kilda players Nick Riewoldt and Nick Dal Santo in December, for those of you who have been under a rock the last week or so), Hawthorn’s Lance Franklin has released a sexist line of t-shirts.

Also with the St. Kilda Schoolgirl Scandal, Round 2, Mia Freedman writes:

“… I think it’s extremely interesting how she is indeed redressing the power imbalance between a 17-year-old girl and high profile AFL players and managers. She’s using social media and traditional media in ways that have been both surprising and disturbing to watch.”

Freedman shares her views on Justin Bieber’s recent abortion comments, as well. More on this to come next week.

For all the single ladies (put your hands up!), “10 More Reasons You’re Not Married”, which include such gems as “you’re not good enough at fellatio or you’re too good at fellatio,” “you are too fat or too skinny” and “you want children too much and/or not enough”. It seems we can’t (or can) win.

Guest Girl with a Satchel blogger, Georgie Carroll of Frangipani Princess, talks teen magazines. “… My favourite day of the month is still when the newest issues hit the stand”; mine too.

On femme fatales.

Jenna Sauers attends a Fashion Week PETA party and “talks about animals with Tim Gunn”. Interesting stuff.

Are Lady Gaga and Rihanna really original, or “stealing other artists’ work”?

Are you a fan of kangaroo meat? Read this; it might change your mind:

“Like the seal trade, it’s brutal, but it happens away from our view, at night in the bush. According to the law, adult kangaroos should be killed by a single shot to the brain.  But in reality, many are injured in the neck or the body, and flee into the bush where they die slowly and painfully.

“What’s even less known is the terrible fate of joeys, just like the one Ray waded into turbulent flood waters to save: over a million a year are killed each year along with their mothers. How? The hunter stomps on the pouch joey’s head, or bludgeons him or her with a metal pipe.  This is enough to make you think twice about ever putting roo on the menu. The young outside the pouch are shot through the heart or head.”

Images via Romantic Dreaming, Juciytings.